Projecting on the wrong object: A school kid struggling

 

Fig. 1: Boys and Girls Learn Differently

Typically, I write a message for kids at the beginning of the school year and during commencements However today I was confronted with an unusual conversation that I didn't inquire about. The conversation took an interesting turn and I realized the importance of being up to the task to defend, advocate and discipline your child with being a productive citizen, their best interest, and life's dreams (at least at this point) in mind. It can be a daunting task and overwhelming at times. But take a moment, step back and consider this, if managing a life four decades my junior is difficult how difficult is it for that little person (in comparison to the adult) to maintain and manage not being equipped with your same level of wisdom. Just imagine for a moment. Then think why does a mother bird feed her chicks while they are young and still in the nest? Simply put, she hasn't weaned them and they don't know how to fly yet. Now think about your own children view their capabilities in comparison to yours. What must I teach and share with them?

The parent I was talking to was frustrated and when asked simple details about the matter was too frustrated to explain. She likely took on the feeling of being attacked. She said if you could just listen and let me explain. However, she wasn't on the other side listening to herself. It was her comments that brought about questions. I simply wanted to know this 1. "how sure are you about your child's feelings and sentiments about the situation". 2. If your child does not know how to express themselves in appropriate situations know when they should speak up for themselves… is that what you've taught, did they learn that from you and how does that make you feel?

The parent was very upset. She couldn't even calm down to answer the question. I tap into a can't do and won't do decision. She just didn’t want to. It was her coping mechanism that likely is the spirit for which the child will learn. You can turn it around though. We all have bad days. However, remember, those two questions are powerful tools for parents. It helps you to understand your child's maturity and coping mechanisms. Believe it or not if you are not willing to fight for your children no one else will unless they are strong advocates for other people.

She wanted to end the conversation; and lashed out at attempts to construct a better view of the situation. I don't have all the answers and am not nearly close to knowing everything, however, I've worked with young people and I know sometimes you have to look a little deeper to touch the heart of pain, fear, rejection and peer pressure. Young people are contagious and they provide a lot of joy. But, like adults they go through growing pains as well. We have to assist them in developing the inner strength to cope and deal in both awkward and uncomfortable situations. Sometimes we can understand the plays and screens of a game better than we can our own children. It happens. It really does.  I left her with these words don't quit on your children because you give them an aborting spirit.

 

Now for students- I have this to say, which I've been saying for at least 13 years or so now- your job is school. That is your 9-5. That's your greatest opportunity to a life better than what you have now. It's your first opportunity to prepare for success. No it isn't your only opportunity there is life and 2nd chances after school absolutely. However, you still have to be determined to make it whether you use school, college, or entrepreneurship as the road to success.

 

When all is said and done we all have to guard our dreams and our children. If that is the case translate your skills to these players (Lebron, Kobe, Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Steve Nash, Rajon Rondo, Tony Parker, Dennis Johnson) and others. Name your position. Maybe you're a power forward like Larry Bird. But think of how they guard the ball and see how you fare. Me personally, I can work on a few things. How about you? I think guarding, power forward, strong center gives us all (parents and children) something to strive for.

 

~Thoughts on helping your child through challenges and growing pains.

Figure 1: Boys and Girls learn differently

Retrieved online 3/12/2014 http://gurianinstitute.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Young-mixed-ethnic-teens1.jpg

http://gurianinstitute.com/boys-and-girls-learn-differently/

disclaimer: This is a reference for figure 1 only. I don’t have first- hand knowledge of the success of this program but encourage parents and educators to research materials and programs be it this one or other like this develop your understanding of young people.

 

Reference

Figure 1: Boys and Girls learn differently

Retrieved online 3/12/2014 http://gurianinstitute.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Young-mixed-ethnic-teens1.jpg

http://gurianinstitute.com/boys-and-girls-learn-differently/