In my reading this week I learned that they are looking to pass or have passed legislation regarding cyber bullying. I think it’s great but I want to talk about bullying in general not just on the internet. Unfortunately bullying makes its way from the classroom, to the school yard, to the internet and out in society. Some schools have become proactive in putting up bully boxes around the hallways and corridors so that children can address the matter privately if they are fearful. Growing up I was taught never to indulge a bully and so I didn’t. The reality is this friendship doesn’t have to be a painful situation. There are times when friendships will develop out of conflict but more often than not the path to a becoming a friend is an enjoyable process. I can say that with certainty.
When you are clear about what friendship is and how it feels then you can have the right perspective about bullying. The intent of bullying is usually humiliation and intimidation. Often these issues are camouflaged with self-assertion and demanding that someone carry a lunch, give them money along with other demands etc. We see the roles played out in TV all the time.
However as an adult you realize these images are usually the result of jealousy, poor self-esteem, the inability to communicate effectively or some other core issue. Surprisingly I learned that the inability to express how you feel or what you need is what drives most kids to bullying. The psychology of bullying is too vast to discuss here but I will say that at the heart of conflict resolution is to understand how and why we ask for what we want versus forcing.
My back to school advice: If you have a good friend, one that you enjoy hanging around with and sharing your time with, memorize what that feels like because it will help you avoid demeaning situations. Learn to express yourself and remember to ask for what you want. When you combine the three you take a lead role in your experience in the school yard. How does this help with bullying. You can know early on if someone wants to be your friend by being comfortable with asking the question. The sooner you ascertain if the bully wants to be a friend (because friendship sometimes it what they lack most) the quicker you can address any potential bullying problem on the playground.
Parents support groups are available. The minute you recognize your child may be experiencing problems with bullying or if he/she is the aggressor reach out to the school administration. Most schools have some type of PTA group attend one or join. Discuss the matter with groups you are involved in the community. If your child plays in sports talk with parents and coaches there.
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