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Trying to maintain family closeness during the holidays

So here's the thing...

I've been talking about this lately because when you have school-aged children around it comes up but the holidays often conjure up family rifts if they go left unsettled. I know families that have gone decades with unresolved issues and some that never got the closure they should have- the result, family ties were severed and if truth be told the family becomes scarred because of it.

Over the years I've talked with my mom and dad about family rifts and it's always interesting. It is jaw dropping stuff and usually I'm covering my mouth in unbelief. The after-shock of family disputes always seems to come alive at Thanksgiving or Christmas. There's a missing person on there's tension in the air. Loneliness and depression increases during the holidays and so as uncomfortable as it is to have difficult conversations it's worth it. Of course to avoid arguing you have to put the real issues on the table. You have to go to the root of the pain. It's at that place that each person has to be quiet enough to talk about what they feel and yes what they perceived. You know what I've noticed you can argue about many things but when a lie is the seed of deception and not some misinterpreted action it will linger for decades until it's exposed. So I say, discuss the lie. Don't spend time arguing about the symptoms that occurred because of it. Talk about the lie and the emotions and whatever else manifested as a result.

And yes, I've had my issues with this type of thing. That's why I'm a firm believer in establishing family communication and using it effectively to resolve conflict. It's met with resistance but more often than not the family is better for it when you can resolve it. I know this may be a no brainer but when you create a life of responding and not reacting you are more likely to have a family discussion and less likely to have family arguments and secrets. 

Be looking out for my womdau (that's short for woman-daughter) Monologue: From the womb speaks laughter and truth 

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